今期推介: 湯河
whenever you feel sad or unhappy, wanna chill out a bit, click the link below!
http://hk.video.yahoo.com/video/play?ei=UTF-8&b=1&vid=321488&gid=159757
2007/03/30
2007/03/28
a hug a day
由spring break 回來後，每天上學，他都會給我一個擁抱。今天，rehearsal 糟透了，腦袋快要痛得廝裂的時候，他把我擁實了。久違了的感覺，對上一次給他人擁得那麼實的時候已不知道是多久。即使每次嚷著k先生把我抱緊，礙於他實在比我瘦削得多，怎樣也沒有今天的如此實在。那份給擁著的感覺，i feel like he wants to squeeze me into his body. he will be on tour from tmr till sunday. starting from tmr, i gotta be on my own.
dear fds, could you guys send me a hug icon whenever you see me on msn?
i need a hug a day. i miss you guys.
dear fds, could you guys send me a hug icon whenever you see me on msn?
i need a hug a day. i miss you guys.
all about me.
school has only started for 2 days. i am suffocating again. i can't bear her fucking fake face anymore. on the surface, she keeps aking me why am I not happy before the break, i try to blame everything on the weather. well, i am lucky that the weather after the break here is getting a lot better. at least, i dun have to wear heavy clothes again. i could wear something that has a little style, which makes me feel a lot better already. i dunno y am i not happy before the break. asking me a question 'are you happy?' i can never give you a definite answer yes. all i will answer is not bad. fair. there are always things around that you dun feel right. as time goes by, i have learned how to live with those things. no matter what happened, i just have to live with it. i think as long as i didnt step into her office, i am ok. once i stepped in the office, i feel the stress and voices all around. it's kind of like hallucination, or just out of my imagination. i dunno what am i doing now is right or not, i am not sure what am i doing now is what i want. but i am sure there are things around that i dun want. i love making music with those students. i love seeing them playing happily. i love music. this is the fact. i love the counterpoint class. from all these, i see that i still so in love with music. it's just a matter of who is the one playing/ teaching/ whatever. i am trying to keep myself on track. on my own track. please bear in your mind: now, should be the happiest time.
he is going on tour from today till sunday. no hug for 5 days. i dunno why he just has his own way to make me smile everytime i saw him.
intimacy is always the best moment.
dun ever try to break the status quo.
he is going on tour from today till sunday. no hug for 5 days. i dunno why he just has his own way to make me smile everytime i saw him.
intimacy is always the best moment.
dun ever try to break the status quo.
2007/03/25
2007/03/23
洛杉磯過後芝加哥
三月二十三日，早上七時十八分，我一個人在芝加哥機場正準備反回地獄。這八天的假期，真的過的很痛快。瘋狂購物，吃盡天下美味，最幸福，莫過於與好友共聚﹑胡扯。在現在這一分鐘，我無意中想起了一個人。那天，不知為何他醉了，我駕著車，他在鄰座睡了，一直由佐敦駕往深井。他睡了，我看著他，心有點疼，因為我不知道原因為何他那般醉，他間中醒來渴我放在車上的水，我想，該載他回家，他卻堅持與我到深井吃糖水。泊車時，他醒了，因為他知道我不懂泊車。我怎樣也想不起他點了些什麼，我也想不起。只記得，我載他回家。他知道我不懂在他家駕車回家，他半醉的樣子，駕快車，讓我認路。腦部的活動請盡快停止，不要再想起些什麼，什麼都不在了，再怎樣想也不再重要。現在，在芝加哥的我與在大阪的他，過得快樂嘛﹖原來看見一個自己所愛的人醉了，心是會那般疼。想起一個不再愛自己的人醉了，心仍是會那樣疼。
我愛他不愛。
thanks ar bi, fred and dada. this is the best vacation ever.
沒有寫詩的快意，一個人胡亂混沌。
文筆又再帶點怯意，再次陷入那低潮時，
盡快抽離角色主意，反回現實殘酷時。
感覺從沒脫節的意思，是我們縱容所致。
請讓我重踏從前的快樂時代，但卻缺了點堅持。
Fight 4019 to buffalo, it's now time for boarding.from a place of 20 degree celcius, back to 2 degree celcius.see you soon, fredonia. my lovely spring.
我愛他不愛。
thanks ar bi, fred and dada. this is the best vacation ever.
沒有寫詩的快意，一個人胡亂混沌。
文筆又再帶點怯意，再次陷入那低潮時，
盡快抽離角色主意，反回現實殘酷時。
感覺從沒脫節的意思，是我們縱容所致。
請讓我重踏從前的快樂時代，但卻缺了點堅持。
Fight 4019 to buffalo, it's now time for boarding.from a place of 20 degree celcius, back to 2 degree celcius.see you soon, fredonia. my lovely spring.
2007/03/12
錯了嗎?
我待在那酒吧，沒有細意留意他們的表演，只顧四周張望，去細看那班還年輕的美國年青人，如何在燃燒他們的青春。不懂喝酒的他們，每一個都只求一醉。我坐在一旁，手執著我那杯tequila，細細品嚐我一個人的快樂。他來搭訕，買我一杯rum coke。rum 可算是我最不喜歡的酒，他倒是選中了。零晨二時許，表演結束了，「他」和我，總是不能二人獨處談談，總有一眾人來搭訕，九扯。他，說車我回家，和另一個女子一起。當我與「他」說，我走了。「他」擁著我，然後說，你跟他離去﹖那一刻，我便知道我錯了。
今天，與「他」只是一個微笑。我便知道，那天，我錯了。
太久沒有寫中文，真的很爛。
因為溶雪，我仆街了，hermes 介指完了，請各好友替我四出找尋。黑色，53號。
今天，與「他」只是一個微笑。我便知道，那天，我錯了。
太久沒有寫中文，真的很爛。
因為溶雪，我仆街了，hermes 介指完了，請各好友替我四出找尋。黑色，53號。
2007/03/08
please, be quiet.
how are you doing? are you alright? how do you feel? please stop asking me all these fucking questions. i show all my emotion on my face already, stop asking but back off and leave me alone. i don't even wanna open my mouth to talk, not even one word. i am physically fine, but mentally break down.
please, leave me alone those jerks and bitches. esp. you, bitch. u make me wanna throw.
please, leave me alone those jerks and bitches. esp. you, bitch. u make me wanna throw.
2007/03/07
2007/03/05
By Request
I am writing again.
these days, my life is just fucking mess up. body doesnt feel right, mind doesnt feel fresh. i wish i got a reboot button in my body, everything just start right from the beginning. having been in this fucking place for almost half year, since i am still calling this a fucking place, you know how much i dislike it. coming across with all kinds of people, trying my very best for not to compromise with some bitches and jerks. i am in the middle of counterpoint and schenkerian analysis plus a bit of fucking chinese music shit. i did another drawing in my analysis class, its not schenkerian graph, but another great illustration, once i got the time, i will scan it for all of you to comment.
my 2 best friends, i wish i am there to stay with you gals. while i am still struggling in my single life, you gals have so many relationships and things going on around you. i dunno what to say, love is just something that i am not good at playing. i know, i am going to fall in another jerk again. but this time, i forseen how it is going to be, i won't let myself to fall into that trap again. never again. staying in a distance. i wish i am not too bored. i wish i am with you gals. i wish i am in nowhere. i wish nothing has really happened. i wish i wont have nightmare again tonite. i wish i am doing fine. i wish i wont be tired again. i wish i am not that fucking stupid. let's make a deal, let's quit.
next week, start travelling again, this is always my own way to prove that i am still alive. this is the only way. cant wait to see you, ar bi and dada.
these days, my life is just fucking mess up. body doesnt feel right, mind doesnt feel fresh. i wish i got a reboot button in my body, everything just start right from the beginning. having been in this fucking place for almost half year, since i am still calling this a fucking place, you know how much i dislike it. coming across with all kinds of people, trying my very best for not to compromise with some bitches and jerks. i am in the middle of counterpoint and schenkerian analysis plus a bit of fucking chinese music shit. i did another drawing in my analysis class, its not schenkerian graph, but another great illustration, once i got the time, i will scan it for all of you to comment.
my 2 best friends, i wish i am there to stay with you gals. while i am still struggling in my single life, you gals have so many relationships and things going on around you. i dunno what to say, love is just something that i am not good at playing. i know, i am going to fall in another jerk again. but this time, i forseen how it is going to be, i won't let myself to fall into that trap again. never again. staying in a distance. i wish i am not too bored. i wish i am with you gals. i wish i am in nowhere. i wish nothing has really happened. i wish i wont have nightmare again tonite. i wish i am doing fine. i wish i wont be tired again. i wish i am not that fucking stupid. let's make a deal, let's quit.
next week, start travelling again, this is always my own way to prove that i am still alive. this is the only way. cant wait to see you, ar bi and dada.
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