are we living in the same world?

i feel like i am living in another world. this is a world of silence. everything is in silence, but at the same time everything is trying to talk to me. i refuse to eat any pork, i feel like the pig is talking to me. i don't know when will the chicken start talking to me, or the fish will swim to me. maybe i am sick, all these imagination is so real. just like in kafka's metamorphosis. one day, you woke up, you turn into something else. and how's everyone changed and get used to it. it's all about human beings.

i am one of them, i start getting use to it.

imagine, hope is a sin.

maybe.

voodoo girl

hungry, can't eat.
tired, can't sleep.
happy, can't smile.
sad, can't cry.

Voodoo Girl by tim burton
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.


She has a beautiful set
of hypno-disk eyes,
the ones that she uses
to hypnotize guys.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,


the pins stick farther in.


i am the voodoo girl.

metamorphosis

in this two hours time, my heart is lifted from light to heavy. after more than 3 hours, i can't even drop a tear. i am upset, utterly sad. the next day i wake up, i am going to transform. i am a fluffy smelly panda who only know about eating bamboo and sleep. i am such a failure, i can't use better word to describe myself. i gave up this blog for long, because i can't put my feelings into words anymore. i hate myself, i hate hong kong, i hate where i am, i hate what i am doing. where am i supposed to be?

thanks my beloved friend for telling me my dearest 'boyfriend' is seeing someone else.
thanks my ex for telling me he is getting married next year.

what is wrong with me? what have i done wrong?
where am i suppose to go in december now? i am not dare to go back anymore.

the smoke went through my lungs, it's been 3 months.
no matter how much smoke how much alcohol.
it can never bring me away from the reality.
i am clean.
i gotta be clean.
i am sick.