夕陽無限好

人人都在回顧零七，我的零七過得很好。
到了日本兩次，一次東京，一次北海道。
到了倫敦，cleveland, 芝加哥，las vegas, los angelos。
遊走了不少地方，看了不少，也感受不少。
零七的生日過得好，沒有華麗盛宴，沒有禮物，
卻有一班好友加他。
八月，人在英國，享受了一星期的愛情，雖然已沒怎樣的記憶，
但兩巨蟹座的力量，卻是遙不可及。
十月尾，首次遇上了我人生的第一個雙魚座，
他是我嗎﹖還我是他嗎﹖
只知我倆皆寂寞。
工作學業，這下半年遇上了良師，uncle tim，
看懂了不少，也明白自己多了不少。
零八，女巫回歸，祝我好運。

再見二零零七。

零八希望，找份好工，繼續遊盪。

睡不來

天還沒光，已醒。
眼鼻心肺，無一正常操作，感冒纏身。
他．我，還沒走在一齊，距離已無法重點，
但卻沉醉於那份假愛的愛擁。
彼此都失去了那份力量，該把痛苦結束，還是繼續。
心沒半點疼，關係該延續﹖
很想試著愛他，但卻沒有半點衝動。
我矛盾，這雞與蛋的問題，找不到答案。
而他卻像一個黑洞，感情不著痕跡。

病了，謝過關心，那是真心還是假意，又有誰知﹖

我不懂男人，更不懂美國人。

失戀多一次

寒假開始了，在芝加哥遊走了數天，太冷了，受不了，冷得令人有點麻目。

這陣子，沒有什麼兩樣，空白空白。很久沒有那心疼的感覺，突然卻想失戀多一次，心疼多一次。

ryan, 'maybe we should break up from our non relationship relationship'
sadie, 'hahahha! non relationship relationship'

if breaking up from this non relationship relationship would get my heart broken once more, I do wanna try.

sadie, ' i haven't call him for months already.'
ryan, 'cos you have attached to me.'
sadie, 'maybe.'
ryan, 'maybe.'

Maybe, maybe. i wanna find my lost love.

What is ART?

I took a visit to The Art Institute of Chicago this morning. After enjoying my favourite Seurat and all the Impressionist paintings, I turned into Modern Art. I came across with this Piet Mondrian .
This was what the lady next to me said,
'I don't understand why people called this art, It is nothing. You can do it, I can do it. Why is it here? Why do we call it art?'

what she just said, smashed my brain completely! I pretended that I heard nothing, and kept enjoying myself with this Mondrian's ART. I remember the first time when I learned about Mondrian was that introduction to fine art history in my year 1 undergraduate. I can't remember much on what Dr. Muir had told us. But I do remember the first time when I saw the original painting of Piet Mondrian in Tate Modern. I was amazed.

I am disappointed at that Lady's comment. For me, art is art no matter it is TECHNICALLY amazing like those Renaissance art or it is as simple as just lines and squares. what is important is its historical contribution. I don't understand how could people use a 21st century perspective to understand something back to the 20th or even 19th century. This is so not fair to those artists. If it's not art, then we could say John Cage 4'33'' is not music either. 'you can do it, i can do it.'

well, this is just me. you don't have to agree.

In Lozenge Composition, Mondrian reoriented a square support to produce a dynamic relationship between the composition and the diagonals of the edges. The fifth of sixteen diamond-shaped works, this deceptively simple painting reveals an exacting attention to subtle relations between lines, shapes, and colors. Mondrian hoped that his art would point the way to a utopian future in which the principles of universal harmony would be embodied in all facets of life and art. This was the goal of the De Stijl movement, first formulated in Holland around 1916-17 by Mondrian and a small group of like-minded artists and architects. from The Art Institute of Chicago

twisted

maybe, the world is twisted already. what is real love? whatever john and yoko said is not existing anymore.
all we need is not love.
but affair.

we don't need promises.
we don't need security.
all we need is lust.

damn it.
it's so not right.

化了。

來了美利堅已差不多年半了，沒有再想起藍宇，但今天是在美利堅的第一次，全因我跟友人說了一句「還行。」。

藍宇．捍東，兩人源於情慾的關係，卻最終愛得轟烈。要是這能在同志世界發生的話，兩性間又有這樣的愛嗎﹖

兩天一夜間，兩位友人又再被情困，我不會把自己計算其中，因為那並不是情。突然，我又想起了2046那列車，感到自己就像列車上那機械人，我是出錯了會哭的那個，還是毫無半點感覺的那個﹖

或許，這只是又再一次証明我還未能處之泰然。合則來，不何則去。如何簡單之道理。

決定轉身了，便不要再回頭。

i am not the only one.

got lost on my way to his house. terrible at map reading/ following directions.

plan changed. work pops up all out of a sudden, ruin our weekend.

沒有怎樣的對話，我想彼此都不知何以。

please, no more confusion.
just let me know, when you will be gone.
i am sorry.

零點零

就是這零點零的失望，說不出原因所在，但卻感到那零點零的空虛感。脫離了煙霧彌漫的日子已差不多一星期，呼吸上沒有半點好過，怎樣了。酒精在腦袋遊蕩，那只是一陣子，還醉不了。

那關係，我知我怎也受不了，但，那又如何，there is nothing to lose, right? i hope there is just a little love between us. just a little.

i am drowned.
don't ever try to save me.

bitchy boss is coming back soon, hope it won't be a disaster. just be prepared.

must watch! so funny.

http://www.mtvjapan.com/flvplayer/mcmsplayer.swf?plid=86&displayheight=312&displaywidth=416&startindex=1&autostart=fal

maybe.

how do you take the word 'maybe'? it's positive or negative?
one day, maybe.

i don't know what am i writing now. maybe, i am lost. maybe, i am not.

this is a loop. keep asking the same question, is it right? is it wrong? should i move on? maybe.

have been thinking so much lately. is it a trap? why can't we human being be more honest to ourselves? i have been very honest to both of them, but somehow, maybe, they are hiding something. or is just me being too sensitive? maybe.

to be honest with you guys, i am pissed. not just because of that bizarre triangle or even rectangle, everything else, but not myself.

everyone is starting up a new blog, new life. i am going to stick with my blog here, cos no one read it anyway. it's just me who keeps writing shit to remind myself of all the mistake i have made.

i gotta be honest to myself. what do i want. i wish i know how i feel. maybe.

"It is part of the definition of feeling that it is born in us without our will, often against our will. As soon as we want to feel (decide to feel), feeling is no longer feeling but an imitaion of feeling, a show of feeling. This is commonly called hysteria. That's why homo sentimentalis ( a person who has raised feeling to a value) is in reality identical to homo hystericus." Immortaliy -Milan Kundera

life is short. to be loved.