Laura or Agnes?

i woke up in the middle of the night after that 'nightmare', i was working so hard in my dream, feel like it did happen. my face was flushing with tears. how did that happen? after all, i am all alone by myself in this room, with a mr. bean teddy sleeping beside me, once again, i am into the dream.

'I ask myself why i bothered to live all those years when I didn't leave any trace of myself with anyone. What's left of my life? Nothing. Agnes, nothing Bernard was thinking of me, that I was present in his head, that I was alive in him. Because for me that's the only real life: to live in teh thoughts of another. Otherwise I am the living dead.' - Immortality, Milan Kundera

I am not Laura nor Agnes. I am sadie, a living dead who lives her own life.

除以三

發了一個很奇怪的夢。要是我的人生有四十八年時間，把它分成三個階段，頭十八年是少年時期，隨後的二十一年是人生最快樂的時間，而餘下的便是老年期。那現在的我是二十五，算一算，三年又三年的時間而過了八次。還有八次機會讓我再三年又三年，那麼，下一次又會在什麼時候來，三年又三年之間的真空期又該怎樣算呢﹖一大堆數字在腦內湧現。那一刻我以為自己死了，一個身影在眼前出現，擁實了，卻怎樣也想不起他的樣子。算了，或許他只不過又是其中一個三年又三年的影子。

我們失望，是因為我們所期望。等了那麼久，或許只是獨欠一句多謝。
麻木又好，盲目又好。又有何分別?